Fall on your knees...

For those of you who are familiar with Dane Cook, I've really come to the realization that his theory on events in our lives is bizarrely correct.

We will all cry.

And we will all take painful shits.

I love Christmas, but this is the first Christmas since I was very young that my family won't be together. Recently, my family dynamic has changed substantially, and as much as I try to play up my indifference, the holidays can't help but bring out an emotional side of me that I try very hard to hide. And unfortunately for me, the breaking point happened in the middle of Target. Surrounded by rabid soccer moms.

Don't get me wrong. I'm plenty emotional. But I tend to handle my emotions in a much more visceral way, like saying extremely inappropriate statements at inappropriate times about inappropriate things. Judge me all you want, but it makes me feel better. It is rare that you will ever see me cry, let alone see me cry in public amongst fake Christmas trees, screaming children, and Christmas carols.

But it was the accumulation of those things that brought me to that point. I'm sad that this is the first year my family hasn't gone to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and hearing "O' Holy Night" over the radio did a great job of reminding me of that, and it's as if the artificial trees were screaming "You call the 2 feet piece of wire you have on your table at home a TREE? Whatev." And then they laughed. I'm not joking, in my fragile state of mind, I really thought that the trees in Target were taunting me. And I gave in to it.

And cried.

I cried huge, crocodile, 5 year old throwing a tantrum kind of tears.

I hid my basket of items, went to the bathroom, and sobbed.

I felt like a total tool.

You hear all the time that the Holidays bring out the worst in people, and you see that every time you walk into a Wal-Mart around Christmas. However, my situation brought something to light for me. I am an extremely vulnerable person.

And I'll admit.

As much as it hurt, it felt pretty good.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

P.s. Because I already know you're reeling from that, I'll stop my post before I hit the part about painful shits.